No beer, just fashion…

15 Dec

The best part about the fact that I’m about to post something that has nothing to do with beer, and everything to do with fashion, is that neither myself nor the author are in *any* position to write about fashion 🙂

My sister Charlotte is a junior in high school and has, for her entire life, not shown much interest in fashion trends. She’d prefer to spend her time reading up on history, watching Marx Brothers movies, playing badminton with friends in the yard, or just generally getting smarter with each passing day (no joke… it’s often disturbing how smart this stinking kid is).

Having said that… and, given that this IS supposed to be a blog about beer.. why are you reading this?!?

’cause it’s the only way that you could.

Basically, her school paper needed someone to write an article on fashion and Charlotte volunteered, because she thought it would be fun! So, she wrote it… read it to me over the phone, and it was seriously funny so I made her promise to save me a copy for when I came home for Christmas.

Only problem……… the paper decided not to publish it because it might offend some students 🙂 hehehehe That’s my sister!

So, I present to you an original essay on fashion by Charlotte McKane!

** Charlotte lives in upstate NY, btw, and attends a ‘small’ public high school


by Charlotte McKane

You’re eyes are not playing a trick on you. I, Charlotte McKane have compiled a list of fashion tips. I am the embodiment of fashion. I mean look at me. Blue jeans ands a t-shirt are coming back. If you haven’t noticed, I am the QUEEN of high fashion, and my style dictates what the rest of the student body wears. Therefore, as leader of the Oneonta High School fashion trends I thought it only fair to bestow some of my great genius upon you.
For girls there are several types of styles to which you can subscribe.

1. “I’m to cool for this school”– This style requires a visit to a local consignment shop or basement where you can find all of the outdated clothes that older people consider unfashionable. After collecting an assortment of print shirts and high-waisted shorts search around for a clunky necklace with symbols from a religion you don’t follow. (Even better, find several and wear the all at once!) Next head over to the dollar store and find a big pair of glasses that you don’t need. In the morning throw on the clothes in the dark and walk out the door like you own the world. Hint: The trick to mastering this style is to be overly confident. If you are at all ashamed of what you are wearing you will NOT be able to pull it off.

2. “I’m an Athlete”– If you play a varsity sport at OHS you can dress like you spend all day on a couch eating potato chips. Wear baggy sweat pants or athletic pants and as much OHS apparel as possible. Now, anybody can dress like a slob who rolls right out of bed and onto the bus, but for the “I’m an athlete” look it’s all about swagger. In the morning, walk around the square like gangsters, with walks that come right from rap music videos. The trick is to bounce a little bit while letting your shoulders pull you through the hallway. Also, for extra swagger, keep your hands in your pockets and speak only through inside jokes.

3. “I’m Normal”– This style comes straight from middle school. For this style all you need is a wardrobe that contains mostly American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch, and Hollister brands. A sweater with a logo from your favorite name brand store, pair of blue jeans and a pair of Uggs, and you are ready to look just like you did in middle school. This style goes especially well with low self confidence, though it should be noted the two are not scientifically linked. A nice accessory for this look is an over the shoulder cotton bag for your books, again, with your favorite brand plastered across the front. If you want to blend into the crowd this is the style you’re looking for!

Disclaimer: It should be noted that these fashion tips are from the fashionably uninformed mind of Charlotte McKane and that all things should be read within the context of their creation. The purpose of this article is to criticize and ultimately mock the fashions and styles that currently dominate our school. There are no malicious or malevolent intentions driving the creation and publication of this article, only good humor.


One Response to “No beer, just fashion…”

  1. ursula September 28, 2012 at 2:06 PM #

    LOVE IT!! Wish she were old enough to write one about ’20-30 somethings’!!!!

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